time and peace

I have been thinking .... I have been pondering .... and I have been looking back ...

I had a breakdown this time last year ... a situation that I had been building up for years reached a climax and conclusion and the stress of it was too much.

This song by Ginny Owen describes where I was last year ... it is so beautiful ...

Ginny Owens ~ IF YOU WANT ME TO

The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

ya oh oh no

So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley If You want me to

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I have spent the last year resting and healing ... and becoming me again.

I have never enjoyed social events ... family get togethers or meeting new people ... but I have been to my brothers wedding (a BIG family event) and last week, a wedding reception with my cousin, where she was the only person I knew ... now these events, a couple of months ago and a couple of years ago, I would not have been able to cope with and would not have enjoyed them ... dreaded for weeks beforehand and would have been ill after. These last few events though, I felt no stress and I genuinely enjoyed myself ... not just put on a brave face and hated it inside. What is great is that I am not just better from how I would have coped a few months ago or last year, but am better than I have been for years, the stress of the all the years before has lifted and I can start living again!
It has taken time and rest & peace have been what I really needed ... I hope this lasts ... I hope things just get better and better x


Sentimental days
In a misty clouded haze
Of a memory that now feels untrue
I used to feel disguised
Now I leave the mask behind
Painting pictures that aren't so blue
The pages I've turned are the lessons I've learned

Somebody bring up the lights I want you to see
(Don't You Feel Sorry For Me)
My life turned around
But I'm still living my dreams
(Yes it's true I've been)
I've been through it all
Hit about a million walls
Welcome to my truth.. I still love
Welcome to my truth.. I still love

Tangled in a web
With a pain hard to forget
That was a time that I've now put to rest
Oh, the pages I've turned are the lessons I've learned

Sentimental days
In a mist of clouded haze
Of a memory that now feels untrue


  1. Oh Maria how glad I am to hear you say this! I know you have changed! I can see it in you! even across cyberspace!

    This is our year! You know it, I know it! lets party hehe

    I am so happy for you! xxxx

  2. I can really relate to a lot of what you say here, and it heartens me to hear you be so positive now and looking to the future. I hope things continue to get better and better, keep smiling xxx

  3. thank you for your lovely comments, I feel like I have woken up from another life and am looking forward to what the future has :D
    Maria x


I love reading your comments ... thank you xx